Things I'm NOT Going to Miss About This Stage of My Life

You know all the cliches:  "They grow up so fast!"  "Don't blink!  You might miss something!"  "Enjoy every moment with them when they are little, you will never get them back!"  So then, when I am honest with whoever is telling me this sweet, well-meaning advice and I retort with "Yeah, I'm pretty excited about them growing up" and I get admonished with "Oh honey, don't say that!"  But a lot of days, it's true.  I am not a huge fan of toddlers.  They have their moments, but they probably wouldn't make my list of top ten age groups to hang around.  Babies are nice and sweet and cuddly, but then they become toddlers, thereby hurting their rankings in my book.  Preschoolers have a slight edge over kindergartners, simply because they aren't as jaded by the older kids on the bus.  Young grade schoolers aren't so bad - I can still manipulate them easily enough.  That pretty much ends my frame of reference with my kids, but I remember how awesome I was as a middle schooler, high schooler and college student - so my kids (I'm sure) will parallel.  But, since my mix currently involves an early grade schooler, kindergartner, preschooler and toddler right now, I've decided to compile a list of things I WILL NOT miss about this stage to be immortalized forever.  Just in case.  Just in case all those well-meaning advice givers were right and I start to get nostalgic for these days (don't bank on it though).

1.  Not knowing who or what left the poop in the middle of the floor.  Was it a toddler?  Was it a puppy?  Is it just mud from boots?  I don't know what it is, but I am really sick of cleaning it up.

2.  Washing sheets.  I can give water rations that would probably make DHS raise an eyebrow, have a kid pee every hour on the hour between supper and bedtime and six times during the "going to bed routine" (before we go upstairs, when we get upstairs, after teeth are brushed {if I'm feeling especially dental conscious that night}, after we start a story, after we say our prayers and one more time before getting tucked in) and somehow the sheets will still get pissed on.  On the top bunk. 

3.  Defending my position to illogical toddlers.  When it's cold, you wear a coat.  When it's not cold, you don't wear a coat.  It isn't that hard of a concept.  So, when I get tired of that, my kid shows up at Thanksgiving dinner in mesh shorts and a muscle t-shirt. 

4.  Watching the crap that they pass off on TV as entertainment.  I sort of sympathize with my dad when he would get so disgusted when we turned on Saved By the Bell.  To my defense, that show runs circles around Dog with a Blog.  Dog with a Blog?  Really?!?  What's even more frustrating is the fact that the show comes on after Good Luck Charlie, which I admittedly DVR so that I can watch it after the kids go to bed.

5.  Being asked "Right?" after every single statement made.  Every.  Single.  One.  I'm not sure where the need for constant positive affirmation comes from...I am NOTHING like that.

6.  Being able to sit on the floor without becoming a jungle gym.  I'm not sure what it is about a parent on the floor that says, "please, climb, flip, hang and lay all over me.  I enjoy it, I really do."

7.  Finding Matchbox cars.  With my feet.  In the dark. 

8.  Being a short order cook at breakfast.  I started this one, I admit it.  And I have tried to change my ways, but I'm too grumpy in the morning to deal with fighting and whining so I just make them whatever they want.  Which means that everyone wants something different that requires me to use the stove, microwave, and toaster simultaneously as well as open every single box of breakfast cereal in the cupboard. 

9.  Fights over who sits where in the car.  It's a vehicle, it is a lot more comfy than my parents' vehicle ever was and it has a TV in it for Pete's sake...why does it matter where you sit? 

10.  One of the greatest advantages to having four kids is that I can usually get one of them to do something for me.  What is it about their nature, though, that when the first kid shoots me down, the second one jumps in to volunteer, which is immediately followed by the original kid shouting "I'll do it!  She asked me first!" which then leads to a pushing/shouting/screaming match and my Diet Pepsi arriving much later then I like.  Ridiculous.

There is never a dull moment, but the opposite of dull is not always joyful bliss at this house full of people my husband and I have created.  But a lot of times it is.  And I choose to enjoy THOSE moments and rue the rest of them. 

I'm Going to Cut Out Your Eyeballs and Other Cute Things Kids Say

So, I wanted to make this blog post about Maddie, since she recently turned six, but let's face it:  She's a people pleaser like her momma and doesn't really do much that gets my creative juices going.  She had a great birthday (I maybe only slightly influenced her decisions on what we should do that day - c'mon, I have the scar, I should get the goods).  We took her friend Lexi, and her mom (who happens to be my friend) out and went for some Mexican, some ear piercing, some nail painting and some movie watching.  All things every girl enjoys!  Unfortunately, some of the boys in the house (namely Zach) were unhappy with the fact that they were not invited on this girls day.  Although he insisted that he loves getting his nails painted (which is true), I told him that this day was just for Maddie so he would have to wait for his birthday.  In a flash of parenting genius (I don't have these very often, so they are memorable) I decided to distract him by asking him what he would like to do for his birthday.  He didn't take the bait.  He started with "Well, I'm not inviting Maddie and Lexi, that's for sure".  I said, it's okay, you can invite whoever you want.  What would you like to do?  He thought for a moment and said "I'm going to cut out everyone's eyeballs and go swimming in them."  Huh.  My parenting genius was failing me at this moment, so I just said, Okaaayyy.  He followed up with "What do you think is behind eyeballs?  Goo?  Stomach?" A recent Walking Dead episode popped into my head, so I answered "Goo, definitely goo."  He says, "Yeah, we could go swimming in that."  While I started to worry about raising a cross-dressing* sociopath (*see "I'm a Grill" entry), I decided I should probably redirect this little fantasy that Zach was having.  So I asked him, well, if that doesn't work out, what ELSE would you like to do for your birthday?  He thought for a moment and as I braced myself for more off-the-wall ideas involving decapitated body parts, he said "Or, we could make puppets.   Yeah puppets."

Shout Out to My Hubby

Wives prepare to be jealous.  Husbands prepare to have the bar raised.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

So, week by week in the trenches with four kids and a new puppy (that is a whole other blog subject) I think it is really easy for Matt and I to lose sight of our relationship with each other.  Our interactions are more like transactions, quick texts about who is going to pick up who and take them where for what.  This week I am out of state for a week…check that…seven full days.  That is a long time.  And I left my husband at home with a seven year old, a six year old, a four year old, a two year old, a 9 week old puppy and a three-page Word document trying to outline just what it is that we do every day.  And from Day One, just one day out of the trenches, and I am quickly realizing just how amazing my husband is.  It’s not just that he is willing to go along with the fact that I work part-time, but sometimes that part-time work takes me out of town (but he does).  It’s not just the fact that he has been one of those dads that doesn’t turn up his nose at changing diapers or giving baths (he doesn’t).  It’s not just that while we may have different approaches to parenting sometimes, he never hesitates to get involved when our family needs him (he does).  It’s not even the fact that no sane husband would take on the suicide mission that I left him on (he did).  It is the fact that he is willing to take 4 kids to family day at his work without his wife as back-up.  It is the fact that he had our kids make and deliver birthday cards for my best friend next door for her birthday this morning.  It is the fact that when he was dropping off at preschool and forgot a water bottle, he just ran up to Hy-Vee and bought one.  It is the fact that he monitored FaceTime with the kids giving them each their own turn to say hi to mom and tell me about their day.  It is the fact that he is amazing. Simply amazing.  And I don’t tell him nearly often enough, nor do I remember it when we are in the trenches together.  Instead, I let myself be diluted by the day-to-day nuisances that come with living in a house with a dude, four kids and a puppy and forget to appreciate just what an amazing partner in crime I have.  To be fair, I’m sure he forgets how totally awesome I am too.  For example, the other day we were driving and the new Pink song came on.  The one entitled “True Love” and he looked at me lovingly saying, “Don’t you think this song kind of describes our relationship?”  I said, I hadn’t really listened that closely to the words, but if it’s titled “True Love”, it must.  And he was like, “Yeah, like you know the part about wanting to strangle each other…that’s totally us.”  Did I forget to mention he’s a hopeless romantic? 

Ode de Zachy

Okay, I can't just get all deep without some sort of reward.  It is coming in the form of cute Zach pictures.  I need to remind myself how cute he is often because holy cow, when he comes home from preschool I CAN'T WAIT to get him in his room and away from me.  We were on a bike ride the other day and I told him that he had been talking the entire fifteen minutes to Hy-Vee.  Normally, I could just drown this out and ignore him, but he has picked up an uber annoying habit from Ben - needing affirmation after every phrase he says "Right mom, right?" Ughhhhhh... if you want to talk all day fine, but do I really have to listen?  Anyway, when I told him that he had talked the entire time, he took the last two minutes to argue that he had not actually been talking the entire time.  Loudly and insistently.  Good thing Matt and I make cute babies.  Enjoy:

 I unearthed this beauty when cleaning the other day.  It was attached to a Mother's Day card.  He was probably talking during the picture.

 Mom and Zach date. 

 First day of preschool.  He is disappointed in the fact that I only took two pictures of him.  Apparently the bare minimum number of acceptable pictures is four.  I will be sure to remember that for kindergarten.  Prima Donna.

 Zach has a "Buddy".  Buddy has been around for awhile.  Buddy was lost for about two weeks.  Maddie unearthed Buddy in the basement.  Zach was happy to see him.

This is Zach and his betrothed, Lexi.  I'm super excited to put this picture on their wedding invitation. 

Identity

WARNING:  THIS BLOG POST WAXES PHILOSOPHICAL WITH LITTLE SARCASM.  I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO ME.  I PROMISE I WILL RETURN WITH POOP STORIES AND CUTE WESLEY PICTURES SOON!

Sometimes, I stew about things for awhile and then I decide to write about them.  A little background information:  one morning a week I attend a great group that ministers to mostly stay-at-home moms with young children.  It has always been a group that I enjoyed, a lot of times simply because it gets me thinking.  (Which is good for me, albeit a bit dangerous).  The second thing going on this week:  one of my mom's good friends lost her 17-year old son in a car accident.  Tragedy always gets one thinking, eh?  Anyway, in our group a question something like this was posed:  How did you identify yourself before you were a mom? 

And sadly, my mind drew a complete blank.  Probably somewhat because having four children has done a number on my brain cells, but I think it goes deeper than that.  I started thinking big:  "Who am I without my family?"  I mean, obviously, I am a gifted writer (tongue-in-cheek people, tongue-in-cheek) but I use those talents to write about my four wonderful children and our everyday adventures.  What did I like to do before I had kids?  Going even farther back, what did I do before I met Matt?  Think about it, if you dare.  It's hard.  Which leads my heart to break even more for a mom who has recently lost her child, or anyone who has lost a child ever. 

Identity is a big thing.  It's important.  And I'm in a constant struggle to find mine.  Here's the thing:  I love my life.  I love my kids.  I love my husband.  I love my friends.  But do you ever wonder who you are when those things are taken away from you?  But, then something clicked for me (also wisdom from this group people, you should come!).  Here is who I am:  Unique.  Loved.  Forgiven.  Royal.  Eternal.  And totally and completely out of my comfort zone when writing about my faith.  But there it is.

A Successful Summer

Yep, I haven't posted since May.  That is just sad.  Sad and a little pathetic, given we had an AWESOME summer!  I am going to have to tell some retrospective stories when I have some more time.  We decided to hire a nanny in the home and she was so great.  We were truly blessed to have her for a summer (and hopefully a couple of future summers).  We tag-teamed the kids this summer, allowing me to attend a lot of sports, swimming lessons or work from home while she held down the fort.  It was great.
A successful summer made way into a successful start of the school year.  This morning I officially have all four kids in school.  Ben is in 2nd grade and Maddie is starting kindergarten, and although they have been back in school since mid-August because of this crazy heat, today is only their 3rd full day of school (in a four day week, followed by a four day week next week...once they actually start going full weeks it should be interesting to see how they hang in there).  Zach is in PK, so he goes every day from 9-130.  So far he does great, but holy cow, is he a bear as soon as I pick him up.  I have forgiven him on the account of the fact I am making him go to school every day at four, so I should probably expect some moodiness.  I also found a preschool that (thank God!) takes two year olds here in Cedar Falls.  It probably shouldn't be called preschool and should be called "Please, if I pay you $100 a month will you potty train my kid" School.  I bet they would have a huge waiting list.  Anyway, I dropped him off today and after pointing out "That boy is crying" quite loudly and marching in proudly, I (gasp!) had three hours of blissful silence.  So, I do a little work and now, do a little blogging. 
A few interesting stories:  Wesley has (like all my other kids) developed a freakishly strong sense of smell.  I'm not sure what it is with my kids and smell.  For instance, Ben can tell you everything you have eaten in the last 8 hours when you tell him goodnight (gross I know and a good incentive for midday brushing), Zach put on a shirt that had been handed down from our neighbor and proclaimed "Mom, this shirt smells like the Arends" (not smells different, not smells funny - no, he can pinpoint exactly who it smells like).  Wes, however, smelled me the other day (after a workout mind you) and told me first when smelling one arm "You smell like cookies" (this was probably an overstatment) and then, when smelling the other arm "Nope, you smell like Chuck E. Cheese".  When you figure that the tunnels the kid plays in at Chuck E. Cheese probably have accumulated years of sweat, diaper smell and other unmentionables that come with toddler life coupled with what I can only assume are questionable sanitary routines, the kid probably nailed exactly what I smelled like after a 45 minute run in 85 degree heat.  Well played, Wes, well played.
One more quick story, then I have to actually go pick up one of my kids...I was picking up Zach the other day and we were in the car and he asked me "Mom, do you see that girl coming out the door with the colored star shirt?".  I said I did, and he said with a big sigh "I am almost in love with her."  I'm going to go ahead and admit it - I stinking love preschoolers.  Four is such a fun, awesome age.  Until Zach comes home and has is usual tantrum about how he isn't tired and he isn't going to rest quietly.  Then I remember that 5 and 7 are pretty good ages too:) 
Okay, with more free time on my hands, look forward to more blog posts!  I know you do!

The Chronology of Wes Eating a Cupcake

So, I bought some delicious Scratch cupcakes for my wonderful friend Ang in KC who had just had a baby.  When we went to pick them up, I had to get Zach and Wes a cupcake - I mean how can you take a 2 year old and a 4 year old to a bakery and then say "Oh no kids, these are only for mom and her friend to enjoy - not you - you can smell, but that's it".  I can be mean, but I'm not that mean.  Anyway, Wes cracks me up in a lot of ways, and one of those ways is how he eats a cupcake.  Watch and learn:

 So, you start by taking a bite - this is an exploratory bite when you realize that there is some sort of cakey object getting in the way of the good stuff (aka frosting)














You look at me like, holy cow, is this for real?  I get to eat all of this.  Challenge accepted!

 You realize the only true way to eat this cupcake is to stick to the top only - none of that cake nonsense.

 You begin to feel the effects of so much sugar.  It is so good, but it is starting to make you a little woozy. 

 Challenge completed!  Wait - the challenge was to extract all of the frosting, right?















Happy.  Life is good. 

I Don't Like Kids That Much

So, I don't have too many crazy new stories about our family and our comings and goings.  We suffered through a miserable spring with the rest of you and are looking forward to some nice weather - finally!  In the midst of our miserable spring and being cooped up with four kids a whole lot more than what my tolerance level is set for has helped me come to a realization that I have probably hinted at before, but I'm not sure if I have ever come right out and said it:  I don't like kids that much.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE kids - especially my kids.  But as people to hang out with and as the main make-up of your social circle, kids aren't that great.  They fight a lot, you have to do whatever THEY want to do (when do we get to do what I want to do?), you are constantly cleaning up their messes, you are constantly cleaning them up, they are smelly, they are whiny and a lot of times, they are pretty stinking rude.  But then I also came to the following realization: when kids hit the age of about four or five - they like to get you stuff.  It is awesome!  We have a refrigerator in the basement that has my coveted stock of Diet Pepsi.  Guess who likes to go get it for me?  My kids do.  Wesley has this awful habit of still pooping in his diaper (someone should really potty train that kid!) and guess who likes to race upstairs and get me a diaper?  My kids do!  I mean - if this holds, I may never have to walk down my basement stairs again!  If only I could figure out a clever way to apply this knowledge to their toys and clothes - for some reason, the magic only happens when it is something that doesn't belong to them.  Hmmm, races to clean up each others room...might be a million dollar idea! 

Things Wesley Thinks Are Hilarious...

I was recently writing a friend about how Wesley drives me up a stinking wall and giving her a list of things that he finds simply hilarious which may or may not end my streak with sanity in the next three to six months.  As I was writing, I thought, hmmmm...this might make a decent blog topic.  So, for your enjoyment (or pity, or sympathy, or empathy, or simply as a way to remember the good ol' days with your little ones) here it goes....

 

THINGS THAT WESLEY FINDS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS....

Getting up from his nap after only laying down for 45 minutes while I'm trying to write a blog entry (I didn't plan this one - it's just funny how his timing works).  Grabbing steak knives that would be seemingly unreachable to anyone but an adult and deciding to chop his own strawberries.  Brandishing said steak knive as a weapon when an adult approaches him to remove said steak knife.  Opening up the dishwasher and using it as a step to reach something that has been placed out of his reach on purpose on the counter.  Using my iPhone as a dodge ball.  Running in front of moving cars in a Fareway parking lot - probably hoping some DHS worker is looking on in sheer unbelief.  Deciding to give his parents a heart attack by acting like he is going to jump into a 5 foot pool - the kid is a good actor, but since he still possesses the hand-eye coordination of a 2 year old, this will eventually not end well.  Asking for chocolate milk in a "big boy cup", impressing me with his verbal skills in putting this request together, and then reminding me why I don't give him a big boy cup as he takes one drink and then dumps the rest on the floor.  Dumping out every bucket of toys that his big brothers and sister have actually worked hard together on cleaning up - I do kind of appreciate this one - welcome to my world kids, welcome to my world.  Wandering in to the neighbor's garage to find some tools to then come and "work" on mom's new car (don't worry Matt, I did manage to stop him before any damage was done).  Opening the front door while wearing only a diaper and running after the kids who are getting on the bus (did I mention in 10 degree weather...there haven't been any news reports about me...yet).  Opening the garage door while wearing only a diaper and running after the kids who are getting on the bus (after I lock the front door).  Don't judge me people, mornings are chaotic around here.  Getting a toothbrush and wetting it in the toilet since he can't reach the sink (he kind of deserves this one).  Getting toothpaste and not putting it on his toothbrush, but instead putting it on anything else he can find before I bust him.  Most of this list relates to things the kid has done in the last 48 hours.  My brain is so fried when it comes to him, that I can't think back much further than that.  Don't get me wrong, I am pretty sure that when he is a teenager I will be able to write a similarily titled list that will leaving me longing for the days of toilet toothbrushing and iPhone keepaway, but as it sits right now, this kid is a challenge!  He is lucky he is so stinking cute...

"I'm a Grill" and other quirks

So, I know it has been a while since I posted, but getting through the holidays (without any hospital stays) and back into a normal routine has kept me fairly busy.  Plus, my kids are being mostly normal and without their quirkiness, I don't have much to write about.  I mean, who really wants to read about how exceptionally gifted my kids are, how cute they are, how well behaved they are and how basically...I've got it all together (besides me?). 

This morning provided me the fodder I needed to get my creative juices going.  It (perhaps) all started when we moved Zachary into a room with Maddie.  Ben has been begging for his own room and Maddie has been begging for a roommate, and poor Zach is just a pawn we move around to make our other kids happy, so lo and behold, he ended up with Maddie.  Well, more and more he has been dressing up in her clothes (see picture below).  This morning he came down in a complete Maddie outfit (and by complete I mean complete with her socks and her teeny tiny panties) telling me "I'm a grill, mom, I'm a grill!".  Before I can go on, I should mention that Zach can't pronounce "girl" and after my every effort to change this speaking pattern in him, I've pretty much given up.  So, he wasn't referring to himself as a grill so much, as a "girl".  Which in the moment I instantly split my mind 50/50 into "isn't that cute" and "I'll love my child no matter what".  It got a little worse when I insisted that he had to change his clothes when we went out in public and could wear whatever he wanted when we got home and he is crying (real tears), telling me "but mom, I'm a grill...I'm a grill".  However, by the time we got home he was insisting he was Rich (an Imagination Mover), so we will chalk this one up to what is surely indicative of an amazing imagination that will probably come up with a cure for cancer in the near future.

I also sometimes fear for a life of OCD for Wesley.  Does anyone else ever wonder if their neuroses sometimes rub off a little bit on their kids?  For instance, Matt is totally OCD about shutting off lights (to his defense, probably about as OCD as I am about leaving them on).  But I can be in a room putting away laundry and all of a sudden the room goes dark.  It's not that we didn't pay the utilities, Matt just needs to have the lights off and forgets that sometimes light is imperative to completing a task.  Well, Wesley is already this way about shutting doors.  The kid can't go by a door without shutting it.  Preschool door, any store door (which proves difficult when they are automatic), random person's car door...you name it, the kid throws a fit if he can't shut it.  Maddie is also a little OCD about cold lunch.  (And honest to God I'm not exaggerating this part).  I let them take cold lunch once a week.  It starts on Sunday when Maddie wants to know what is on the menu so she can decide her cold lunch day (so far, so good).  Once the day is decided (and God help me if it is later in the week) she mentions no less than 10 times a day which day she is taking cold lunch, what she will have in it and wants to know when I am going to pack it.  I tend to pack it the night before and she will continue to come downstairs to see if I have it packed before she can fall asleep and the first thing she will say when I wake her up in the morning (seriously - I have woken her up out of a dead sleep and these are the first words out of her mouth) "You need to put ice in my water bottle for my cold lunch".  Often followed up with, "I dreamed about my cold lunch last night".  You'd think the kid was getting caviar and gold dusted creme brule in her cold lunch, but typically it is a salami sandwich (cut into heart shapes, mind you), a gogurt and a string cheese. 

Just a side note on Wesley before I sign off:  I'm pretty sure he will supply me with plenty of funny stories in the years to come.  Two quick previews:  all the kids were sitting down to breakfast one morning and I went up to get his clothes picked out.  He was yelling at me from downstairs and I figured he probably needed a refill on his chocolate donettes.  Instead, he was sitting cross legged on his high chair tray and looking like the cat that just ate the canary.  (See the pic below - not quite the same situation but it will give you a good idea).  This is equal parts a "holy cow thank God he didn't get hurt" parenting moment for me as well as a huge vouch for the safety design of the Graco high chair.  Or, take for instance how nicely Zach and Wes were playing in the basement together while I got lunch ready today.  I started to think we might finally be over the hump of constant hovering supervision with our kids (so as they don't harm themselves or others) until I went down there to let them know lunch was ready and Wes was inside the entertainment center, his head sticking out the far side playing with the power strip that we thought we so cleverly hid.  Awesome.