Top Five Reasons Wes is Playing Me with Potty Training

If talk of potty training doesn't float your boat, you may want to skip this post.  Furthermore, if talk of poop grosses you out, be forewarned, this post has poop.  Unfortunately for me, lots of poop.  I sometimes can't believe my life has been reduced to writing about bowel movements.  Anyway, I digress.  So, we all know that Wesley is just something else.  I really haven't decided what "else" he is yet.  We have been potty training him for what seems like ten years and what is actually probably about two months.  I also would like to interject here that his failure to be properly potty trained can be blamed 50% on my laziness, 40% on his laziness and 10% on his genius.  He just doesn't really care and I can't say I blame the guy.  I also don't really care - I'm the first to admit that Matt and I are both pretty much tapped out when it comes to toddler parenting and it is 100 times easier to just put a pull-up on the kid and call it a day.  However, Matt and I were talking a couple of days ago and it kind of sounded like a Jeff Foxworthy skit, except instead of knowing if we are rednecks, it is knowing that Wesley is totally playing us with potty training...here are some of the top reasons:

#4 If you ask him if he has to go to the bathroom, he will look at you and ask if he is wearing underwear or a pull-up.  If I tell him he is wearing underwear, he will say he should go.  If I tell him he is wearing a pull-up, he insists he doesn't have to go (probably while quietly and effortlessly relieving himself in said pull-up).

#3 He hates going to the bathroom.  I mean seriously hates it.  I sometimes just have to close the door, sit against it so he can't escape and pull his pants down.  He screams for about five minutes, I start to threaten to spank him, he finally climbs up on the stool, pees, instantly stops screaming, looks at me and says "I told you I had to pee".

#2 The other day when Wes was with Matt he (Wes not Matt) peed and proceeded to change his own pull-up and pants.  This started the whole conversation of "the kid could probably just be potty trained if he is changing himself for you".  Point taken - I started putting him in underwear vowing that I am just going to keep him in underwear, even if it takes until kindergarten to get the whole thing figured out.  Heck, even if it isn't figured out in kindergarten he already has the pants changing skills down, so whatevs.  Then this happened...

#1 I myself was tied up in the bathroom and when I was done, Wes was no longer at the kitchen table eating lunch.  I yelled for him and he said he was upstairs "dumping his poop".  I figured on a scale of 1 to 10 on grossness, this was probably going to be a 34.  I go upstairs and he is literally dumping the poop out of his underwear and proceeding to put them back on.  What do you even do with that?  I figure maybe it's some new age type of potty training and we will just go with it.  God knows we already have enough on our hands.