You know all the cliches: "They grow up so fast!" "Don't blink! You might miss something!" "Enjoy every moment with them when they are little, you will never get them back!" So then, when I am honest with whoever is telling me this sweet, well-meaning advice and I retort with "Yeah, I'm pretty excited about them growing up" and I get admonished with "Oh honey, don't say that!" But a lot of days, it's true. I am not a huge fan of toddlers. They have their moments, but they probably wouldn't make my list of top ten age groups to hang around. Babies are nice and sweet and cuddly, but then they become toddlers, thereby hurting their rankings in my book. Preschoolers have a slight edge over kindergartners, simply because they aren't as jaded by the older kids on the bus. Young grade schoolers aren't so bad - I can still manipulate them easily enough. That pretty much ends my frame of reference with my kids, but I remember how awesome I was as a middle schooler, high schooler and college student - so my kids (I'm sure) will parallel. But, since my mix currently involves an early grade schooler, kindergartner, preschooler and toddler right now, I've decided to compile a list of things I WILL NOT miss about this stage to be immortalized forever. Just in case. Just in case all those well-meaning advice givers were right and I start to get nostalgic for these days (don't bank on it though).
1. Not knowing who or what left the poop in the middle of the floor. Was it a toddler? Was it a puppy? Is it just mud from boots? I don't know what it is, but I am really sick of cleaning it up.
2. Washing sheets. I can give water rations that would probably make DHS raise an eyebrow, have a kid pee every hour on the hour between supper and bedtime and six times during the "going to bed routine" (before we go upstairs, when we get upstairs, after teeth are brushed {if I'm feeling especially dental conscious that night}, after we start a story, after we say our prayers and one more time before getting tucked in) and somehow the sheets will still get pissed on. On the top bunk.
3. Defending my position to illogical toddlers. When it's cold, you wear a coat. When it's not cold, you don't wear a coat. It isn't that hard of a concept. So, when I get tired of that, my kid shows up at Thanksgiving dinner in mesh shorts and a muscle t-shirt.
4. Watching the crap that they pass off on TV as entertainment. I sort of sympathize with my dad when he would get so disgusted when we turned on Saved By the Bell. To my defense, that show runs circles around Dog with a Blog. Dog with a Blog? Really?!? What's even more frustrating is the fact that the show comes on after Good Luck Charlie, which I admittedly DVR so that I can watch it after the kids go to bed.
5. Being asked "Right?" after every single statement made. Every. Single. One. I'm not sure where the need for constant positive affirmation comes from...I am NOTHING like that.
6. Being able to sit on the floor without becoming a jungle gym. I'm not sure what it is about a parent on the floor that says, "please, climb, flip, hang and lay all over me. I enjoy it, I really do."
7. Finding Matchbox cars. With my feet. In the dark.
8. Being a short order cook at breakfast. I started this one, I admit it. And I have tried to change my ways, but I'm too grumpy in the morning to deal with fighting and whining so I just make them whatever they want. Which means that everyone wants something different that requires me to use the stove, microwave, and toaster simultaneously as well as open every single box of breakfast cereal in the cupboard.
9. Fights over who sits where in the car. It's a vehicle, it is a lot more comfy than my parents' vehicle ever was and it has a TV in it for Pete's sake...why does it matter where you sit?
10. One of the greatest advantages to having four kids is that I can usually get one of them to do something for me. What is it about their nature, though, that when the first kid shoots me down, the second one jumps in to volunteer, which is immediately followed by the original kid shouting "I'll do it! She asked me first!" which then leads to a pushing/shouting/screaming match and my Diet Pepsi arriving much later then I like. Ridiculous.
There is never a dull moment, but the opposite of dull is not always joyful bliss at this house full of people my husband and I have created. But a lot of times it is. And I choose to enjoy THOSE moments and rue the rest of them.
