Okay, I have to get this topic out while it is burned fresh into my memory. Although, it might be one of those burns that I recall much longer than I wished I would. Let me preface this to tell you that this entry is about poop. However, because I know that discussing poop isn't everyone's (yes, I mostly mean Jeremy's) favorite topic, I am borrowing a trick from one of my favorite shows, How I Met Your Mother. If you don't watch the show, you should. Anyway, let's just say that I am borrowing a trick they use to discuss a topic you might not want to discuss in front of some people, so we will say that this entry is about "eating sandwiches".
We spent this Friday and part of Saturday at a great resort in Southern Iowa, Honey Creek Resort. Everyone was tired upon our return, so we decided to start our bedtime routine a little earlier (say, like two hours earlier). We had three kids in the bath tub and I was yelling at Ben to come up for his turn. Then I thought, hmmmm, Ben said he was going to eat a sandwich about 15 minutes ago. How long can it really take to eat a sandwich? I better go check on him. (We have had one other run in like this in the past - sometimes, Ben has a really hard time finishing his sandwich). As I get to the bottom of the steps, I can hear him yelling, screaming and crying about his sandwich. Uh oh.
The next hour was one of those hours that you don't ever picture when you think of all the not-so-pleasant parts of being a mommy. Sure, there are going to be fights, and spills, and maybe even some broken bones, but c'mon - a sandwich that is stuck? What am I supposed to do with that? I spend about a half an hour just being a cheerleader, lending moral support as best I can. I offer suggestions as to different positions, distractions, etc. and give him a new Kleenex every five seconds as he needs to wipe away the tears and snot he has compiled while trying to eat his sandwich. Then, he looks at me, crying, half screaming and goes "Mom, Jesus H. Chris it just hurts so much". I just shake my head, wondering where to go with that one (yes, he said "Chris" - I'm sure he heard one of us say this at sometime or another and thought he was repeating it correctly). I go to get him some water to help try to wash the sandwich down and honestly, I needed a break. Fifteen minutes (and a different bathroom - he thought maybe a change of scenery would help) later, I'm starting to reach my wits end. We have tried everything and Ben is literally begging me for mercy. Please...can I help him, can we go to the doctor, can he take a nap, can't I just catch the sandwich, can he just wait until we eat supper and he watches some TV, then we can finish the sandwich?? At this point, he can't even stand up so I try to tell him while these ideas may seem appealing to him, unfortunately they are non-viable options. So, then he says, please, let's just pray that God will take away my sandwich. I love kids. So, we prayed and he just kept saying "Hurry Up and Say Amen so God will take it away!" He kept telling me, "None of these options are working!!! I think I will just go to bed." I told him - that is what got us into this mess in the first place - you have to finish your sandwich when you have the urge, not deal with it at a later date.
Eventually, we finished the sandwich. He told me, "mom, I think I am at the level where I will not get sick from my sandwich. Thank you for coming up with that plan" (I will spare you the details of the plan). Again, not something they teach in the parenting books...at least none of the ones I have read. When I get around to writing mine, I think I will have a chapter dedicated to how to help kids finish sandwiches - complete with helpful cuss phrases and the correct prayers to say in order to get the help needed. I hope I haven't ruined sandwiches for anyone.
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